What happen to my angel?

My daughter these days has been rehearsing words that she knows like she's preparing for some test in school. She'll repeat the words/sentence till she say them smooth. So cute until one morning I overheard her repeat the word 'stupid' a few times. I sat up in bed and wonder where she learnt it from. Knowing her character, I left it as it is but started interrogating everyone including dave, my mum and the maid. All denied using that word. My last resort is to approach the school.

That incident kept me thinking... what happened? The more I thought about it, the more I felt responsible and the more I blame dave for it. If he had allow me to spend the first three years guiding Joelle's development, I would not have allowed this to happen. My daughter is barely two years old but she has displayed certain intolerable and unacceptable behaviour. It totally breaks my heart. This is absolutely not what I'd wanted for my girl. Definitely not but what can I do?

School bus

I am on medical leave today but I have to leave the house at 8.30am because if I don't, my little girl will not want to go to the playschool. So I went down to the pavilion to read and at the same time wait to see her morning routine.

At about 8.40am, the maid brought her down to wait for the school bus which came at about 8.50am. She did not cry or shout for anyone when the maid handed her over to the attendant. She was put in the car seat and belted up. Such a good girl, she sat by herself.

Suddenly I miss my girl so much that I decided to fetch her from school today. Moreover I need to talk to the chinese teacher and find out who will replace her host teacher Ms Ang since she left the centre. So I went to her playschool at 12.30pm. When I walked into her class, she was drinking her milk. The minute she saw me she went "mummy... mummy..." and cling onto my legs and insisted that I carry her. As I talk to her chinese teacher, she actually tried to show me the toys and demotrate that she can play with her friends. She just needed a little more time I guese.

The contradicting part was the fact that I went to fetch her from school and I ended up having to drive back myself because she insisted on taking the school bus home. So funny I tell you. After she hug her teacher and friends goodbye, she went out to look for her shoes from the little pigeonholes. As soon as she wore her shoes, she pointed to a man siting in a bus and say "Ke" which meant 'uncle'. So I told her that she will take mummy's car today instead of the school bus. She started to protest! She refused to get into my car saying "NO! NO! school bus" and pointed to the bus. I had no choice but to let her take the bus. I drove back to the lobby where the bus usually send her to and waited for her there. She was smiling so happily when she saw me and waved goodbye to the driver and the aunties from the centre who came back with her in the bus. Perhaps she just wanted to show me her routine. She is just so innocent and cute.

All over again

After two days of absence from playschool, Joelle cried again upon seeing the little school bus. One week of effort went down the drain with two days of holidays. But I was surprise as I have been talking to her about school and friends and games and songs throughout the break. I told her that mummy had to work and Joelle will go to school and mingle with friends and mummy will come home after work to play with her. She understood as she responded quite confidently and positively both on Monday and Tuesday. In fact when she woke up this morning, she looked at me and say "mummy work, joelle school". I told her what a clever girl she is and that mummy will bring a book back for her after work. She said "ok" and seemed fine.

However when I called back at 9am, the maid said she cried and my heart sank. I thought we succeeded. I thought she overcome her fear of being alone in the playschool. I was wrong. She is afterall a little more than 19 months of age. Still a little child.

3rd Wedding Anniversary

How time flies... We are married for three years already. In today's context, it is worth applauding. Well, we have to agree that it was no easy task to stay married be it one, three or ten years. There are lots of sacrifices, lots of compromises, lots of understanding and most importantly, lots of concern for each other.

Off the records we almost threw in the towels some months ago. We just could not agree on our very differing priorities. Me on the emotional and spiritual upbringing of our little girl and him on the financial stability of the family's income. I wanted to be a stay-home mum and ensure that her foundation years are well taken care of while he wanted me to get back into the working society. Sparks flew for a while. We compromise and he agreed to give me six months to nurture and breastfeed our girl and I agree to look for a job after that. We are indeed better off financially now but I still regret not being able to take care of my child's growing needs. If I'm given a choice I'd want to stay home and see her through her first three years at least. Then I can say I'm responsible for her everything. Now my efforts seems to have gone to waste cos she's picking things not meant for her. It breaks my heart sometimes... this arrangement.

Now that things are more settled down between dave and myself, we are enjoying our married life better. Our worries are now diverted to our little girl. Money for school, for medical needs, will she turn too naughty, become a rebellious kid etc... etc...

Sigh... woes of a parent.

Happy in playschool

Joelle sat by herself on the car seat for her journey home. She even waved goodbye to the driver and teachers in the bus. Teacher said she is happy in the playschool today and did not cry at all. That's super great news isn't it? YEAH!!!

"Go! Go!"

On Monday, the maid said that Joelle clinged to her tightly the minute she saw the bus pull up in front, She told the maid "Go. Go." hoping that the maid would bring her away from the bus. So when the maid handed her to Jahara, she started crying. So poor thing...

Same thing happen again for Tuesday... and Wednesday... I wonder when will it stop.

I wrote to Joelle's teacher a letter of enquiry on Tuesday and was told that she is coping alright in the playschool. Cry now and then, look for me but generally able to react and response to people's questions. I think she should be fine.

If tomorrow never comes

I was driving home last night and this song "if tomorrow never comes" was playing over the radio. I had always liked this song but it only occur to me now that this song is really meaningful.

If tomorrow never comes... would she know how much I loved her.

When I lost my dear grandfather in 2004, I never got to tell him how much I loved him. He was and always will be my favourite man. Sometimes I still have to force back tears when I think about him waiting for me at his deathbed and I never made it there. I so very much wanted to tell him again one more time that he still is my favourite man. Now I only pray that he can hear me in his sleep...

That is the reason why I always make it a point to tell my little girl how much I love her and my husband how much I need him. Suddenly they seem so important to me now. As I was driving home, all I wanted to do when I get home was to give both of them a big bear hug and a kiss.

Downtown East

Decided to drop by at Joelle's playschool today to talk to the teachers and supervisor about her reception to school yesterday. They all said that Joelle's reacting normal and her crying is not too extreme or uncontrollable. They were able to distract her from time to time and they estimated a week or two for Joelle's kind of personality to settle in. I pray they are right.

But I felt so bad that I spend the entire day doing what she liked best. First we went McDonald for lunch. She really like french fries. Today we decided to introduce tomato sauce but thank goodness she didn't seem to like it too much. She still prefers her french fries plain. After that we went to downtown east and spend an hour at the explorerkid's funspace where she just go round crawling in the tunnels and down the slides and play with balls and stuffs. She really enjoyed herself. Boy... were we tired... I mean the daddy and mummy. Then we took her to her grandma place for dinner. She showed off what she learnt in school "STOP". Goes round telling people to stop moving. So cute...

We were all very tired after the day end. Joelle couldn't wait till we reach home. She fell asleep in the car... I hope she is happy.

In playschool all by herself

Today is the BIG day!

My little girl is off to playschool all by herself. I'm still wondering if I did the right thing. Part of me feels that she should be exposed to more people and new things. Another part of me feels that she is probably too young to go to playschool. Boy... did I do right?

Being a confident mummy, this is the first time I feel so uncertain about my decision. Perhaps it is her first time away from home all by herself that made me so worried. But I guese she should be fine after a while. Afterall her personality is one of an outward looking type. Easygoing, friendly and adventurous like her daddy. She should be able to cope fine.

She started the day good. Waving goodbye to the maid without crying. But when I called the school at about 11am, Martina, the school supervisor said she is doing fine but she refused to let go of the chinese teacher. I decided not to probe further or I might end up taking leave and rushing down to her playschool. I left it as that. At about 1.45pm, I called home. The maid said Jojo is very tired and asleep since 1.30pm. She also told me that Jojo did not cry when she fetch her from the bus downstairs but she is snifting rather hard which was an indication that she must have cried quite a bit before she left school. My heart really ache for my little princess. Why did I subject her to this... I must spend the whole day playing with her tomorrow. This is a way of making it up to her I guess.

Sigh... I'm still praying that my decision to enrol her in playschool is the right one.