She miss me everyday

Isabelle is an amazing child. She may be less affectionate and less sensitive as compared with her sister but she has the sweetest expression of love if you ask me. And they are always different and suited to each and every occasion. Hardly repeated and totally unexpected.

They were both staying over at my mum's place for three nights on the last week of december. Joelle would call me everyday just to hear my voice and ask about me whereas isabelle would only come to the phone when I ask for her. However when I ask her how much she miss me, I'm totally surprised when she said "everyday". I love this little angel.

Movies with friends

We brought the girls to the movies during the december school holidays. We watched "Rapunzel" and it was worth it. A wonderfully plotted movie even the adults were very much entertained. Jennifer and I laughed so loud, my mum thought we were kids!

Chanced upon some very colourful christmas decoration outside AMK hub and went photo crazy. We took so many photos of the girls with the many different sets. Here are only some of them.


We enjoyed ourselves very much.
Good movie, good company, good time.
Friday, 17 december 2010.

Our christmas this year

I like parties but what I like best is a cosy gathering of good friends. Small sit down meals with a handful of close friends always make the occasion heart-warming and sincere. This year I invited my new found friends from the neighbourhood to a simple home meal. No regrets. I totally enjoyed the day.

Eileen, a car-pooling neighbour who quickly became a good friend, came over for lunch with her kids. I like to host her and I like the fact that besides not eating much greens, she has no qualms about whatever I cooked. Oh, and she gave me a very beautiful 2011 organiser for christmas. It was not the usual organisers that I had for the past many years. This one has the love of a good friend and my only worry is... will I bear to use it?


Jennifer, a playground regular who also became a friend, came over for dinner with her girls. She was kind to bring bottles of sparkling which we enjoyed over dinner. They came down in time for a game of Wii and it was really nice to see the boys at play and the girls "supporting" them. My mum and my sister came over for dinner as well. My brother who recently became a father could not come over as his baby girl is not discharged from the hospital.


I love christmas and part of the reason is the love and sincerity I feel from the people around me. I'm already a very emotional person and in this season of love, I'm overwhelmed with the warmth and sincerity of friendships. I thank God for the friends He puts in my life. Regardless of the distance, each and every one of them has walked with me and shared some scenery together.

My life was never a fairytale and many unexpected events had rocked my many unstable relationships. I had put my trust in people whom I thought would never judge me and I had learnt from numerous painful experiences that a high wall is the safest place to hide. And I had been behind that wall for more than 10 years now. Recently I hesitantly walked out from behind my high wall to experience what I had missed in the last decade or so. It was one amazing experience. I never felt so alive till I found the reason to love a friend again. This friend inspired the sleeping poet in me and I started writing again. I appreciate that she gave me hope in friendship but I hate to say that we have only been through the lows of my emotional crankiness. We are afterall in good times now. Besides the time bomb that I'm still carrying, I would consider this the good time. She doesn't know me beyond 2010. Am I prepared to take her into the storm? No. I'm not prepared to take this risk. I'm enjoying this friendship beyond my imagination. It wasn't easy for me to leave my sanctuary and I do not intend to run back in so soon. Let me take in more beautiful scenery.

Of all people, I should know that some friends come and go with the wind and I will never know who they are in good times. However I have experienced storms with a handful of really close friends. When I was financially burdened, they did not run and hide. When I was emotional crippled, they held on to my heart. They did not deny me their friendship and love when I was in the pits and I DARE say that they are the people I know will never leave me. I appreciate them from deep down in my heart and I will never forget what these true friends had done for me in times of needs.

So during this season of love and friendship, I want to extend my deepest appreciation to those friends who had stood by me and to those who're willing to stand by me. I thank God everyday for friends and love. I thank God also for the heart full of love in me and I know that I'm blessed beyond words.

Thank you my friends. Thank you God.

Meet my niece Jerine

My niece Jerine, born on tuesday 21 december 2010, is the baby daughter of my brother and Keem. She is not my only niece but she is my immediate niece and I can't wait to see her again. I'll probably wait till they settle in and around the needs of the new baby before I pop in again. Moreover I'm now tied down with three post project and one new TVC to produce. It'll be a busy last week of 2010. But the fact that I probably have only five months to bond with my little niece makes me sad. She'll never remember me after they leave for canada in may 2011. No matter how I wish to bond with her, she'll never remember her first five months here with us. Well, I can only wish that my brother does his part to constantly refresh her memory about the family she has back here in singapore and if possible, to bring her back for visits.

I'm so looking forward to 2011 but I'll really miss 2010. After all 2010 has been really kind to us and I thank God for this smooth sailing year.


Grandma and her three grand daughters.

My brother and Keem with their little bundle of joy.

The Chans wishes you...

It's the beautiful season of love again. Oh how I love this season. Every year I've never fail to do a christmas card for families and friends. To some, this might be the only way to see the girls. To others, it simply makes a nice photo collection. Whatever it is, it makes me happy. I'm happy to do this year after year. 2009, 2008, 2007

This year has been another year of great blessings. The girls are growing well and healthy. Dave is still strong and able. And I am still alive and happy. We have recently achieved another of our dreams and we thank God for the opportunity and blessings to go ahead and reach for it. And we will continue to "pass it on". We will never forget that everything is made possible with God and everything I've prayed for is only attainable in accordance to His will.

This christmas, I pray again for Dave to join the family in prayers. I have not stop believing that God has plans for Dave and it will be revealed in His own time. I'm just asking again, like a gentle reminder.

This christmas, I also want to pray for families who are handling grieve of losing someone they loved or praying helplessly over someone who's awaiting death. My heart goes out to them and I want to pray for comfort and strength, for these families.

As with every year, I pray for a miracle. Nothing is impossible with you Lord. You know what I'm praying for year after year. And if it is your will, Lord, let it be.

My families, my friends, my girls, my man... I love you all.
Merry Christmas everyone!

End of nursery year

This is my baby doll and she's graduating from nursery. On the last day of school, they had a little performance and a mini potluck party in the class. As she gets bigger, she's so much more camera ready and camera friendly. She will insist and REMIND me to take pictures of her. The little performance from her class was in mandarin and this little girl is a foreigner to that language! I know...I know... it's probably my fault to begin with. BUT I have enrolled her in a mandarin class next year so soon she'll be conversing like a true blue chinese. I know because I saw the huge improvement in joelle's chinese papers. And I am so proud of my decision to send her to chinese enrichment classes since she was five. Well... if I can't deal with that language myself, I'll have to engage someone to do it right?


Teacher Janey
Teacher Fan

I want to go back to 2004

I have hardly regret anything I had done before. In fact I'm one person who believe that regrets are never meant for things that I did but for things that I did not do. Those are the things that would haunt me for a long time.

I want to go back to 2004. I want to be with my Kong Kong.
I want to be holding his hands.
I want to tell him I'm here.
I want to see him for the very last time.
I want him to know that he still is my favourite man.

If I could turn back time, I would stay on with him at the hospital. I should not have gone home. I should have stayed by his side. I left him that afternoon with the promise to see him again the next day. He left me early the next morning. I did not get to see him again. I miss him so much.

Kong Kong, I wanted to be there.
You had been the only man who had loved me so unconditionally, so genuinely, so consistently. You had loved me more than my father ever did. You knew that being the second girl in my family, I would be neglected, unloved and unwanted by my father. You showered upon me the attention I yearned from my father, the encouragement I so rightfully deserved and the understanding I desperately cry for. You tried your best to fill that gap. I could still remember how you would wait for me at the bus-stop when I came home late, how you would prepare my favorite breakfast morning after morning till I begged for a change, how you took a bus to my school just to check out the place I studied, how you would watch from the TV (the lift had a surveillance camera linked to every home's TV) to make sure I was safe in the lift and how you kept all the cards and little notes that I wrote to you. You were all that I'd wanted in a father and you were the best grandfather I'd ever known. It is my blessing to have you as my grandfather and I'm sad that my children could never experience your love.

Kong Kong, please know that I would never have stayed away if I knew. I would have drop everything and rushed to the hospital if I knew. I would trade anything for you to see me that last time. If I knew...

If I could go back to 2004, I want to tell you again that you've always been my favourite man. Always.

My new toy

Im getting all excited...

I'm 38 and proud of it!

When people ask me my age, I never pretend my pen dropped or my bus is here or my kids are crying and I got to run. I always always tell people straight in the face "I'm 38". It's not that I'm not afraid of growing old, getting weak or losing my youthful complexion. In fact, I AM VERY UPSET to find new tracks beside my eyes especially when I smile or laugh, or the excess skin on my hands and legs that is a sure giveaway signs of aging or even the sudden appearance of freckles and pigmentation on my shoulders, back and even my FACE! I'm terribly afraid of looking old, feeling old and worst acting old.

The amount of money I spent on facial products each quarter could probably feed my kids the entire year. The amount of time I spent in the bathroom every night could probably give me an extra hour of sleep. I'm actually obsessed with trying to stay young, look young and feel young.

I blade with my girls, I cycle with them, I swim with them, I dance with them, I sing with them, I play games, I joke, I laugh, I craft, I act funny, all in an effort to be in tune with them. I romance the husband, I romance my girls, I romance my best friend, I romance myself. That makes me feel young and very very much in love.

This year I'm 38 and did I mention... I'm proud of it. I have been very blessed all my life. Yes, there were downs and trials but I have to say that everything happened for a reason. I realised that I always emerged from the trials, a stronger and better person. And from the pits, I crawled out, bruised, hurt but experienced. All the more they made me appreciate and treasure the ups and the blessings that follows.

God has been very generous in his Grace for me and my family. He has given me so much love to experience so much emotions, and so much emotions to experience so much love.

I thank you God, for this life that I'm living. I know that I'd probably prayed for you to devoid me of any feelings so as not to feel the hurt, pain and misery. But I almost always beg you to return those feelings to me so I could continue to feel happiness and love. So next time I cry to you demanding that you rid me of my feelings, DON'T. Just ignore me, God, I'm probably just joking. I can never live without love and I'm willing to take the rest of hurt, pain and misery along if that's the price to pay for love.

My 37th birthday and my 36th birthday celebrations.

Its a Happee Day!

Not too long ago I read about an event from a blog. I do not know this blogger in person but I absolutely enjoy her writing. She is so hilariously witty and I like her writing style.

This event was organised by her and it was for the benefit of those children stricken with cancer. I almost immediately wrote her a mail volunteering myself and my girls. She replied after a few days and I was so thrilled. I gathered the girls round and spoke with them about the event and the cause behind it. Joelle was excited and ready to offer her companionship to the children. I could tell she was prepared for the event.

The day before, we found out that daddy's project was pushed back to another date and so could join us for the event as well. It was nice to go as a family and even nicer when daddy supported our participation. Told you he had a big heart. And I love that big heart.

We were greeted with 'winnie the pooh', 'bugs bunny', 'incredible hulk', 'batman' and 'flash'. We were also told to mingle with the crowd and enjoy the activities. Later I realised that those volunteers with young children were not require to do much manual work. Well... we were prepared to help in any ways actually but nevertheless we had fun.


The event saw many professionals volunteering their skills and time for this cause. It's so heart warming to know that people do care. The body painting artist... amazing. She made everything looked so easy and pretty. The caricature artist... amazing. They sat and drew for hours on end. The people 'inside' those mascots... amazing. It was a sunny day and they were mingling and entertaining the children under thick thick costumes. I could feel the heat from just watching them.

Everyone at the event was amazing. From the volunteers to the guest to the children. It was a beautiful day, despite the light rain. The beauty can be experience from the sight of smiling people doing their tiny bit for a cause they supported. And I got to meet the Daphne in person. She is one amazing person. I am so honoured to be able to be part of this wonderful event and I definitely looked forward to the next one in 2011.













On the journey back... joelle is the only one left to entertain and keep mummy's eyes on the road. It was really exhausting and if I was not the designated driver, I would have been in that last picture. Perhaps even comes with audio if you turn up the volume.

Joelle's lunchbox 4

Miss these? I do, not Joelle though. She's happy to be among the queue in the canteen eating the same food as the rest of her friends. She's happy to be part of the group of friends with pocket money to spend and the freedom to choose (out of the same five to six stalls) her meals.

Though I miss these lunchboxes, I'm happy I do not have to wake up any earlier than now to prepare them. I'm happy to throw some biscuits into airtight lunchbox or spread a couple of bread for her recess and drop some coins for her to buy her own lunch. I think I can live with this arrangement.

I wonder if isabelle would prefer mummy's lunchboxes...