The day has come where I have to made a decision regarding the privacy of this blog. I know you'll be surprise. So am I. I just thought it's safer for everyone this way.
This blog is mainly about my girls but it does carry stories and pictures of my family and friends and their children too so I feel that it's only fair not to expose them to the whole world. Moreover I want to blog without any limitations or restrains or embarrassment (like the one on breastfeeding in 2007 which I have to pull out and the recent one about thalassemia which I also pull out after overwhelming response). There are so many stories and pictures I want to share but decide not to because of this reason. Perhaps I fear the lost of my privacy or maybe I'm just curious to know who's been reading.
I know this could be bad news for some nice readers out there who's been following my stories. Don't fret really. If you are happy reading my blog, I'll be happy to have you reading too. So please request for an invitation. This way I'll also get to know you.
Mail me at editroom.jo@gmail.com
* To all my friends.
I want to invite you to my blog. PLEASE say you want to be invited!!! Afterall there is no fun writing if no one's reading! Please mail me the account you wish to use (hotmail or gmail).
I know this is troublesome but think of the innocence of my beautiful little girls. We've been spotted in our neighborhood over the years! Flattering sometimes but I feel that some of the posts are meant to be shared with people I know. People who care. And I want to know you're one of them.
I'm really sorry for the extra step you need to take to get into our beautiful little world of fairy tales and princesses. I'm sure the girls will make it worth the effort. =P 
This year, joelle requested to visit two places on her birthday. Due to time constrain, we actually arrange to cover the two places over two different days. On the eve of her birthday, we brought her to the botanical gardens to see the swans. On her actual birthday, we brought her for a ride on the cable car into sentosa.
The ride was joelle's second as she last rode in 2005 but it was isabelle's first. Both of them enjoyed the ride very much though isabelle was a little hesitant to move at first. She sat closely with mama and refused to cross over to daddy for a photo. That's when we realised she might be feeling a little nervous. It was only after much coaxing and assurance that she dare move over with mummy for a family picture. 
On sentosa island, we head straight to the beach to catch the shows. We managed to catch the bird show after a quick lunch. The show was worth the rush at lunch. Trainers were very entertaining and the birds were very cooperative too. At least I had a good laugh. 
Taking a leisure ride on the beach tram.
The girls were curious about the snakes and mummy was hiding miles away.
Underwater world was next on her list. To me, it looked the same as it was, back in 2004 (that's the last visit, coincidentally on joelle's first birthday). The new attraction was probably the hand-fed fishes. Mama was the only one brave enough to put her hands into the water letting them nibble and feed. Goodness, I would not even hold a fish caught from the rod! For your information I usually buy fish in fillet cuts and hardly, rarely a fish in its original state. So I ain't about to put my delicate hand into the water to feed the fishes! And those jelly fishes... they're so deadly beautiful. 
I'm very certain joelle had a great time. On this day, I want to give thanks to God for this little girl. She's growing up really fast, faster than I am prepared for. I pray that I would be able to allow her to grow into someone worthy of God's grace. I may be struggling with problems and issues but I pray that these issues will never be her burden to bear. She is my dream and my hope. I do want to see her become a fine lady and I know I have to guide her onto the right path. I would not be able to do that without the grace from God and I pray for them everyday.
This year, unlike the last two years, we did not have a combo party for the two september girls. Instead, we have a private celebration with joelle over two occasions. She requested two places to visit. One, the botanical gardens to see the faithful swans. Two, a ride on the cable car into sentosa (which will be covered in a later post).
So on the eve of her birthday, eileen and I brought our brood to the park after school. It was a really hot afternoon and we took a while to find the swans. We walked around the pond conning the swans to believe we had bread or something but they were smarter than we thought. None fell for our outstretched clenched fist so I guess we must have the look of many other liars before us.
We then settled ourselves down on a mat in the big open field where the children ran wildly like they weren't ours. It was not difficult to feel good when you see open sky and green green everything. Lots of them. Green grass, green leaves, so therapeutic. And the sky... so blue.
Before eileen realised it, I conned her into letting me sprawl on the mat fully stretched and very very comfortable. I know we do not have the luxury to do that often but I did say a quick but sincere prayer to God, while I drift in la-la-land, to give me the wisdom to manage my time better so as to have some time for life's simple pleasure. Like this.
Though short, I thank God for that beautiful day where the sun shines and makes everything nice. It is moments like this that makes life magical. Thank you my friend, for being part of this magical moment. It adds to our memory of great times together. And thanks to my beautiful firstborn, who wanted to see for herself the story of the faithful swans that mummy told her about. If not for her request, I probably would not have discover a place where time stood still for one to admire and enjoy nature at its best. I'm sure I'll be back.
I have been feeling rather off-colour lately. Perhaps I was under quite a bit of stress from the deadline rush for the projects I'm handling currently. Maybe it's my long-hidden-under-the-covers-in-the-bid-of-forgetting blood disorder that is trying to garner some attention from me. Whatever it is that caused this under the weather feeling, did make me re-think and re-align my priorities.
Many things have happened during the last 12 months (let's not go back too far for now). I was up with the clouds and down in the mud quite a bit during this time. I found passion and drive, friendship and trust yet I lost a bit of fighting spirit and confidence at the same time. I saw beautiful rainbows on many occasions but was held down by fierce storms on others. I laughed, I cried. I accepted, I resisted. I just could not come to terms with many issues.
For one, my health.
For those who do not already know, I inherited thalassemia.
So what is thalassemia? Thalassemia causes the body to make fewer healthy red blood cells and less hemoglobin than normal. Hemoglobin is an iron-rich protein in red blood cells. It carries oxygen to all parts of the body. People who have thalassemias can have mild or severe anemia. This condition is caused by a lower than normal number of red blood cells or not enough hemoglobin in the red blood cells. Your body makes three types of blood cells: red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets. Red blood cells contain hemoglobin, an iron-rich protein that carries oxygen from your lungs to all parts of your body. Hemoglobin has two kinds of protein chains: alpha globin and beta globin. If your body doesn't make enough of these protein chains, red blood cells don't form properly and can't carry enough oxygen. Your body won't work well if your red blood cells don't make enough healthy hemoglobin. Genes control how the body makes hemoglobin protein chains. When these genes (everyone has four) are missing or altered, thalassemia occurs. (source taken from MedicineNet.com)
Now that you know what is thalassemia, you are ready to know that I have three of these missing genes which gives me this HbH disease. Now that should explain my pale and jaundice appearance and the fainting spells that I dread the most. OK, perhaps those fainting spells are dreadful but it should be the blood transfusions that I totally fear. I've had two and they were the worst experience in my life so far. Yes, much worst than childbirth.
Recently, I was kind of "pressured" to get my blood tested. It is a test I should be taking regularly (reads every 6 to 12 months) to monitor my Hb and iron level. But my last test was taken in 2006 so it was like almost four "quiet" years. I have good reasons to avoid the tests, though those reasons only sound good to me and no one else.
Anyway, I went, had both arms pierced for three tubes of blood and within a week went back to have both arms pierced again for another three tubes of blood. This could have gone on for many more visits if I had not put a stop to it. I was suspected to have been "blessed" with another disorder. Nothing is confirm now as I did not proceed with the investigation. But it has come to a point where enough is enough. No more hospital visits. No more torturing my poor veins. No more new disorders. I am contented with one and happily resigned to live with it for the rest of my life.
This might not be good news to people who love me, people who cares about me but it's good enough for me. I do hope that you are able to understand the reason for my decision. It's the fear of knowing. Ignorance is bliss. Knowing less means worrying less. Knowing less means fearing less. In fact, Knowing will not change anything. It's a chronic disease. By that, it means NO CURE. And since there is no cure, why burden yourself to know? So anyway, I'm not about to find out. I'm happy just as I am now.
To my family, who worries about me.
To my husband, who loves me.
To my girls, who need me.
To my friends, who care about me.
To Mother Mary, who watches over me.
And to God, who gave me my life.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to disappoint you with my decision but I do need your understanding and support. You are the pillar of my life now. The source where I draw my strength and courage from. The very people whom I might have to depend on and perhaps burdened upon in future. I feel sad and sorry just thinking about it. And the worst is... I have nothing to give in return.
So I will love and treasure you, the people who are important to me, for all my life, for as long as I shall live.
This, I'm afraid, is the only thing I can promise you.
The annual racial harmony street parade was here again. Come to think of it, we've been part of the event for the past three years! This year it was held on sunday, 18 July. Grandma came over, as usual, and we headed straight to the RSAF booth, as usual, where joelle AND isabelle took photos in their uniform. Last(2009) year(2008) we introduced isabelle to the game and this year she gamely don the uniform and pose for a shot. Simply cute.
After the photo-taking, it was play time for the children. Together with vera and vereen, the girls ran the street. They had a fantastic time that day. It drizzled a little but that did not stop them at all. We met some neighbours along the way. At one point, the girls met and joined laura and ryan for a game or two. They had pop corn, candy floss and ice cream, as usual. We had fun and shall look forward to the event next year.
