I'm 38 and proud of it!

When people ask me my age, I never pretend my pen dropped or my bus is here or my kids are crying and I got to run. I always always tell people straight in the face "I'm 38". It's not that I'm not afraid of growing old, getting weak or losing my youthful complexion. In fact, I AM VERY UPSET to find new tracks beside my eyes especially when I smile or laugh, or the excess skin on my hands and legs that is a sure giveaway signs of aging or even the sudden appearance of freckles and pigmentation on my shoulders, back and even my FACE! I'm terribly afraid of looking old, feeling old and worst acting old.

The amount of money I spent on facial products each quarter could probably feed my kids the entire year. The amount of time I spent in the bathroom every night could probably give me an extra hour of sleep. I'm actually obsessed with trying to stay young, look young and feel young.

I blade with my girls, I cycle with them, I swim with them, I dance with them, I sing with them, I play games, I joke, I laugh, I craft, I act funny, all in an effort to be in tune with them. I romance the husband, I romance my girls, I romance my best friend, I romance myself. That makes me feel young and very very much in love.

This year I'm 38 and did I mention... I'm proud of it. I have been very blessed all my life. Yes, there were downs and trials but I have to say that everything happened for a reason. I realised that I always emerged from the trials, a stronger and better person. And from the pits, I crawled out, bruised, hurt but experienced. All the more they made me appreciate and treasure the ups and the blessings that follows.

God has been very generous in his Grace for me and my family. He has given me so much love to experience so much emotions, and so much emotions to experience so much love.

I thank you God, for this life that I'm living. I know that I'd probably prayed for you to devoid me of any feelings so as not to feel the hurt, pain and misery. But I almost always beg you to return those feelings to me so I could continue to feel happiness and love. So next time I cry to you demanding that you rid me of my feelings, DON'T. Just ignore me, God, I'm probably just joking. I can never live without love and I'm willing to take the rest of hurt, pain and misery along if that's the price to pay for love.

My 37th birthday and my 36th birthday celebrations.

Its a Happee Day!

Not too long ago I read about an event from a blog. I do not know this blogger in person but I absolutely enjoy her writing. She is so hilariously witty and I like her writing style.

This event was organised by her and it was for the benefit of those children stricken with cancer. I almost immediately wrote her a mail volunteering myself and my girls. She replied after a few days and I was so thrilled. I gathered the girls round and spoke with them about the event and the cause behind it. Joelle was excited and ready to offer her companionship to the children. I could tell she was prepared for the event.

The day before, we found out that daddy's project was pushed back to another date and so could join us for the event as well. It was nice to go as a family and even nicer when daddy supported our participation. Told you he had a big heart. And I love that big heart.

We were greeted with 'winnie the pooh', 'bugs bunny', 'incredible hulk', 'batman' and 'flash'. We were also told to mingle with the crowd and enjoy the activities. Later I realised that those volunteers with young children were not require to do much manual work. Well... we were prepared to help in any ways actually but nevertheless we had fun.


The event saw many professionals volunteering their skills and time for this cause. It's so heart warming to know that people do care. The body painting artist... amazing. She made everything looked so easy and pretty. The caricature artist... amazing. They sat and drew for hours on end. The people 'inside' those mascots... amazing. It was a sunny day and they were mingling and entertaining the children under thick thick costumes. I could feel the heat from just watching them.

Everyone at the event was amazing. From the volunteers to the guest to the children. It was a beautiful day, despite the light rain. The beauty can be experience from the sight of smiling people doing their tiny bit for a cause they supported. And I got to meet the Daphne in person. She is one amazing person. I am so honoured to be able to be part of this wonderful event and I definitely looked forward to the next one in 2011.













On the journey back... joelle is the only one left to entertain and keep mummy's eyes on the road. It was really exhausting and if I was not the designated driver, I would have been in that last picture. Perhaps even comes with audio if you turn up the volume.

Joelle's lunchbox 4

Miss these? I do, not Joelle though. She's happy to be among the queue in the canteen eating the same food as the rest of her friends. She's happy to be part of the group of friends with pocket money to spend and the freedom to choose (out of the same five to six stalls) her meals.

Though I miss these lunchboxes, I'm happy I do not have to wake up any earlier than now to prepare them. I'm happy to throw some biscuits into airtight lunchbox or spread a couple of bread for her recess and drop some coins for her to buy her own lunch. I think I can live with this arrangement.

I wonder if isabelle would prefer mummy's lunchboxes...

I want to go back to 1990

I know it's not possible. Even if I wished hard enough, prayed long enough or even begged desperately enough, I'm never going to make it back in time.

I want to go back to 1990. I want to tell yvonne I hate her.
I hate her for speeding down that road and crashing her vehicle.
I hate her for leaving me when I enjoyed our friendship so much.
I hate her for the change her death had on my friendships thereafter.
I hate her for allowing me to love her.
I hate her for pampering me too much.
I hate her for lying to me. She was suppose to celebrate my birthday after my O-levels.
I hate her for leaving me so soon. She was 27, I was 18 and I miss her so much.

If I could, I would want to stop that accident. I want to show her my success today.

Yvonne, I did not make it to the U like you'd wanted me to back in 1990 but I did do a degree eventually and I did well. I'm sure you'll be proud. Today I want to tell you... I have never forgotten you. Whenever I drive past that road, whenever I drive past your house, I remembered you. I remembered how you danced the car, how you held my hands, how you would fetch me from college every night when I was studying for the exams, how I stayed over at your house whenever I left home in a fury and how you would always call my mum to tell her not to worry, you'll watch over me. Whenever I think of these, I could still feel the emotions like I did 20 years back. I still miss you. And I'm sorry for hating you.

If I can go back to 1990. I want to tell you for the first and last time "I love you".

I'm still getting to know my girl

This little girl caught me by surprise one night. As I was laying her down to sleep, I told her how much I love her and she said she love me too. So I went on to ask her how much she love me. Thinking I know her very well, I'd expect her to either ignore me or throw me a numeric answer (like five dollars or something cos that was what joelle used to say when she was about that age).

BUT her reply to me was... "all the time".

How beautiful... how poetic.

Happy Birthday Isabelle!

This year Isabelle celebrated her birthday SOLO. Unlike the past two years where she celebrated with Joelle. To make it HER party, I got her to draw on the goodie bags. I drew the outline of the fish and she filled it with grills, eyes, a nice smile and lots of bubbles! Joelle did the words. They enjoyed drawing and packing the bags. It's probably their best pre-party moment.

After years of celebrating their parties at home and once at the chalet (for joelle's last party), we decided to hold it at the function room of my best friend's condo. We wanted to hold it at our roof garden initially but it was still undergoing major upgrading two weeks before the date and without my able helper, it's definitely a no-no to host the party at home. Anyway who would reject a pool party?

The birthday girl enjoying a splash before most of the guest arrived.

The girls and their cousins Germaine and Gerrick.
Joelle with Vera.

Not forgetting our Ritz!


Isabelle had a fantastic time indeed. Thank you all for making her one very happy little girl that day. Time really flies. I still remember holding her for the first time four years ago. She has grown. Too fast for me. I'm missing her every day. I'm missing her babyness already.

Thank you God for this beautiful angel, my baby doll. I pray that you keep her safe always and bless her with good health, a great mind and a beautiful heart. My birthday wish for her is to grow up well and be worthy as God's child. Happy birthday, my love.

Learning to write

Isabelle is learning to write her chinese name. She brings home this writing sheet every friday and that's her homework. She can write them with the template but once without, she becomes an illustrator. But I'm comforted to know that she knows her strokes and the names of the strokes. That puts me to shame for a while. Now I know too. Ha!

Boo!

It was halloween and the girls chose to wear their "casper" t-shirt to the halloween party organised by the GRC. We went with laura and ryan and met christian, callum, vera, vereen and nadia the 'fairy' there. There were food, goodie bags, games, open top bus ride and on stage performances and costume competition. However it was rather boring for us as we were not out to dress like jack-o-lantern or count the dracula and the queue to the rides and games were too long for me to wait in line for. So after an hour or so, we called it a night. I went home and freak myself out over a scary movie on HBO. Now that's what halloween is about.